This last year has been full of so many things. Good ones, like finally finishing my undergrad, and some pretty terrible ones. In September we found out my dad had cancer.
It was a sneaky cancer, and by the time the doctors found it, it had spread through his entire body, into his lungs and bones. Things deteriorated pretty fast after that, and by November his body couldn't take it anymore. He was 66 years old.
Finishing school was important for both of us, so I did it. My family and friends were there for me, and my professors and everyone at OCAD were so supportive. I don't know how I could have done it without them. Even with so many caring people around, the only way for me to complete what I had to was to push a lot of what I was feeling aside, to focus on my classes, projects, papers. Things with simple answers, things I could control.
And that worked. I got through it and I thought when I finished that the worst of it was over. It wasn't, and over the last few months the weight of what we lost really began to sink in. Coupled with the exhaustion of several months of grief induced insomnia, and as soon as the tension of school lifted, I fell apart.
Now I'm slowly coming back together.
I've let so many things go that I should have stayed on top of, and coming back to them is proving one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Coming out of this kind of sadness to find I've let my life go to seed this whole time is almost enough to send me back to bed. So for all the lapsed promises and forgotten commitments let me say I'm sorry. It couldn't be helped, but I wish it had.
The farther I come out of the hole I found myself in, the more I realize how important it is to do the things that fuel me, and that I enjoy. I'm trying to say no to projects and commitments I don't need, something I've always had trouble with in the past. And I'm trying to say yes to the things I want but never seem to find the time or drive for.
Keeping this blog, and feeling like I'm part of a community of creative, crafty, wonderful people has been something I really enjoy. So I'm making a commitment to come back to it, and to all of you. Thank you for staying, for reading my ramblings and sharing your own endeavours and projects. It means a lot.
Things should go back to normal around here next week, with crafting progress and some new thrifting finds, and I'm grateful.
It feels like coming home.
